I am a bad blogger. Sorry it's been so long. I've been caught up in life. First some sad news to get off my chest. Remember our kitty Natalie? I posted a picture of her in my last post. Well, she went missing and is feared dead. I'm so sad. So sad that she's not here and so sad for Hollywood - she was her cat and she's just heartbroken. She's been gone over a month.

We've had some bad luck with pets lately. One of MK's chickens somehow got inside of our dog's fenced in area today and was killed by Brutus. I was so mad! MK was so upset. I took it away from him and we buried her. The chicken's name was Vera. She was one of the really cool chickens - we have a few that are very friendly and inquisitive. This is Vera below just a week or so ago.

I get that Brutus is only doing what his breed of dogs do....but it is still so upsetting. Chickens have personalities and we all get attached to certain ones - she was one of them. MK took it really hard. The chickens are just starting to lay eggs (the ones we got this spring).

Anyway, on to some happier news...well, I still have a job. Yay me. However, we are slow...so 3 weeks ago I got word that my job was going to be cut by 20%...I told them that was fine - but I wasn't going to work 100% and get paid 80% - so I'm now working 4 days a week. I pulled Lil Brother out of daycare 2 days a week to help compensate for the loss of income. He comes to work with me one day and stays with me the other. I also was able to pick up another part time job doing bookkeeping on the side. So yes, now that's 3 jobs.

I'm a little nervous...I have offers for 2 other part time jobs doing bookkeeping too....and I'm toying around with the idea of not going back to work full time (if they allow it). If I stay 4 days a week and work for other clients on the other day(s) I may be able to make more money than if I went back full time. If I am there 4 days a week I'll still be eligible for benefits, so that won't be an issue. This could be the push I need to start working for myself. I'm just not 100% convinced that I should go for it yet and I struggle with what to charge per hour. A former CPA that I work with said not to charge less than $40 per hour, but that seems steep to me. I know I have to charge at least $30 or $35 to make it worth it with traveling at times...I just don't know.

I have also discovered a life-changing financial path...Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. The church that the kids and I started going to offered a course in it and I had heard of Dave Ramsey from my (wise) aunt. So it caught my eye. I signed up for it and I'm telling you what, it has already made a HUGE difference in everything for me. This reduction in pay is totally manageable because I have the tools I need to get through it. Budgeting - telling my money where it is going to go and planning for things. I have never in my life planned things out like I am now. Dave Ramsey gets you motivated & gives you...basically a blue print to success. I LOVE IT. I've just finished week 5 of the 9 week course. So worth it!

Okay, kid updates and pictures....

MK - She's a huge music fan. Just before school started I took MK and Hollywood to see Blake Shelton at the MN State Fair. That was Hollywood's first concert. Hollywood got a t-shirt from this concert - had to it was her first!

MK really wanted to see Josh Turner, so my aunt M. was nice enough to buy her ticket for her b-day coming up and we went to the Josh Turner concert together when he was in MN last month. That was really good! He's a country singer that MK really likes. I would describe him as a Randy Travis-like voice with better songs and no drunken driving or nudity incidents. The venue was smaller and we got to see him so much better - MK really loved it and so did I. She got a t-shirt too.

A really fuzzy picture I took with my cell phone in the dark. LOL


MK's school work is going great! She' so busy. She took the PSAT's recently. She's taking 1 AP English course and 1 College Speaking course right now...she's thinking she may do PSEO for her senior year next year. Such an exciting time for her life. She also recently got her first car. My old one. :) I bought a new (used) one for me and passed my old trusty one down to her.

Dance has started and she still loves it. They're first show is in December and then competition starts in Januray.

Hollywood -

My kids all amaze me. I think Hollywood is really pushing herself this year. She's getting great grades and she's in swimming in school too. She's just started confirmation classes at our new church as well. I know it gets to her some days...too much going on all the time. But swimming is ending in just a couple days and then her schedule will get much easier.



I caught her eye before one of her races. :)

 Recently Hollywood and I took a cake decorating class together. It was so fun! It was with fondant - and we made our own fondant, colored it, and designed a cake. We looked up pictures on the internet of other people's cakes for inspiration and decided on a John Deere theme since it was my dad's birthday the next day. He's a farmer whose blood runs green. ;)  Here are a couple pictures of Hollywood decorating our cake. She did most of the work, I just helped.

I'd say she's pretty talented. One day maybe we can own a bakery together. :)

Lil Bro -

He's in preschool 3 days per week. The teachers have commented about him being so smart. He is - super smart. How did I get so lucky to have 3 super smart kids? He is also an excellent artist. His specialty is Angry Birds. He paints them, draws them, talks about them, has all the plush collection of both the Angry Birds and the Angry Birds Space stuffies. He sets ups the piggies and crashes them down with the Angry Birds.

He's into legos right now too - my cousin Erik came over on Saturday and played for what seemed like hours with Lil bro and his legos. Here's a pic of Hollywood playing legos with him.

He's still my sweet little boy...he's got a bit of naughty in him sometimes too...but don't they all! His thing when he gets really mad now is that he furrows his brows and says, "I HATE!" He won't say what or who he is talking about...but it is implied. He knows I don't like him using that word so that is his way really blowing up...like the four year old equivalent of swearing I guess. :)

I have to get going...off to bed. But at least I wrote SOMETHING on here. :)

Facebook

If you don't have it, get it. I post pictures and updates on there constantly. I don't blog much because it's time consuming and I feel connected to everyone on Facebook anyway. I have adoption friends, work friends, old friends, new friends, and almost all of my family on there. There is only one person in my close family who is NOT on Facebook - my auntie A. GET A COMPUTER AT HOME!! :)

In the mean time, here's a few pictures.




Natilee - our grandma cat. She's so sweet. She's the one that started it all - showing up here injured as a stray a year and half ago. She recently got spayed and her fur is just growing back on her tummy.




Back to school time! I can't believe that Hollywood is almost as tall as MK!! :)




Two of the kittens we had from a litter - the one on the right found a home, but the one on the left still needs one. They're very sweet. Their mama is next to be spayed.



Meet Cora - our Barred Rock hen. She lays lovely eggs.



Little Brother - such a sweet boy he is growing up to be. ♥



Kid updates

Yay me. I did it. I stayted strong. I didn't contact T after he showed up here and he stayed away. I'm guessing being escorted out of the yard by my mom and her boyfriend had something to do with that. :)

I'm getting better...thinking about it all less and less. I'm more angry that he had the nerve to show up here at all than I am hurt by it. And I feel stronger too. He needs to stay away from me and I'll make sure he knows that if he ever shows up again. If ever he shows up at 1:00 am again, I'll call the police instead and let them deal with him.

I can't believe it's already August. Sheesh. Time goes so fast. Here's a quick update on the kiddos:

Lil Bro:
He's doing really good. He's staying home with the girls instead of daycare 4 days a week. He has had recurring ear infections though. He just finished yet another round of antibiotics. We have an appointment with the ENT at the end of the month here. I don't want him to have surgery. A friend (and mom of 5) suggested I try a chiropractor. I'm not a believer in them...but she swears by it and has used them for her kids with ear trouble and somehow it helped (she says). I just worry they will screw something up. Any of you ever used one for you child?

He's also got allergies. I've been giving him Zer+ec for it. It seem to help some. I don't know the allregies contribute to his ear infections, but I would guess so.

Hollywood:
She's doing really good. She's growing up so much lately. She just finished Aquatics and she signed up for 7th grade girls swimming which starts soon (before school even starts).  It's 4 days a weeks so I'm pretty sure she's going to be tired. I'm glad she loves swimming so much. She's signing up for another year of dance too - that starts next month but is just one day a week. Her and Lil Bro still have a tight bond.

MK:
She's doing great. She is a very careful, responsible driver now. She takes really good care of Lil Bro and they have become much closer this summer than ever before. That makes my heart happy and hers too. She was able to drive Hollywood to swimming the last couple of weeks instead of her having to ride public transportation. She also has driven herself to her friends' houses and the beach, and she works out with a friend of hers at the gym here and there too. I'm really proud of her.

She's signing up for dance again this year. I think she started in 2nd grade - she just loves it. She starts 11th grade soon. We have a meeting with her guidance counselor coming up to change a class around that she has. She signed up for a college course in English and has decided she doesn't want to take that one. She has another college level class already so her work load is going to be really heavy if she keeps both. We'll see what they say.

I have offered the kids 2/3 of all the proceeds from a garage sale if they will help (do most of the work) with getting things ready. There just are not enough hours in the day for me to do it. MK is all over it. We're shooting for Sept. 15th.

My mind is strong, but my heart is weak.

Our summer is flying by. I hate that. I wish I could just hang out with the kids and go on little get-aways with them. I love spending time with them. I'll have to start buying lottery tickets so I could do that!

I feel like I need to blog about something that happened over the weekend just because I can't get it out of my head and I really need to. So two years ago a man from my teenage years sought me out. I had always been attracted to him. But he had his eye on someone else. We were just friends back then. When he showed up at my house 2 years ago, he had been married for 20 years (I had been at his wedding even). He and his wife had split up a while before he found me again - she had moved on and was living with her boyfriend. We started seeing each other and I fell pretty hard for him. We were together for a bit over a year. It was a really good year. We had what I thought was a great relationship. He was good with the kids too. I fell in love with him. Then exactly one year ago today I found out he was not all I thought he was. He had been texting another woman behind my back and there were other things that came to light. I believe he had chemical issues that he hid from me too. He broke my trust and the night I found out about the other woman I told him to leave and never contact me again. He said very little that night and left without saying anything at all.

After we broke up, I had a person we both know bring his belongings back to him - a snowmobile, clothes, some other equipment he had here, and everything else that had been his. I changed my phone number about a week later after his ex-wife started harassing me. It was a mess and a very dark time for me emotionally.

I missed what we had. I missed falling asleep with my head on his chest at night. I missed laughing at the same stupid stuff with him. I missed everything. But I stayed strong and I healed. Eventually I stopped thinking of him daily. And I swore off men. I made a vow to myself not to date anyone for a year. I didn't trust my own judgement and I didn't want to drag my kids through anything like that again. They liked him. Especially Hollywood. She cried right along with me when we broke up. That broke my heart too.

So fast forward a year. Friday night the kids, my sister and I all hung out. We went out for pizza, came home and watched the Olympics. We went to bed late - about midnight or so. Just before I fell asleep I heard a banging. I thought maybe it was my sister cleaning her cat boxes out down in the basement. MK yelled to me to see what it was. I said I thought it was the cat boxes. MK looked out her window and said there was a truck in the driveway. I had no clue who it could be and I couldn't see the whole truck but whoever it was was banging on the door and window next to the door. I didn't answer and didn't turn on the lights. I waited for them to leave. They got in their truck, started it, turned on the lights, but didn't leave. I started to worry. I had my sister on her cell phone from the basement and we were debating about what to do. I decided to call my mom and her boyfriend to ask them - they live just 2 miles from me and could come quickly - quicker than the police could. The person came back to the door and was banging on it again while I was talking to my mom. I was really worried at this point. My mom and her boyfriend were on their way down to my house. I was on the cell phone with my mom when she pulled in the driveway - it was my ex boyfriend. At 1:00 am, pounding on my door after not having spoken to me in over a year. Who does that??? Someone who had some liquid courage at the local bar, I'm guessing.

To sum up what happened next - well, he wasn't there to harm me. He left as soon as my mom's boyfriend told him to. But he waited down the road near my mom's house to talk to them some more. He wanted to apologize to them and make it clear that he did not mean any harm....that he missed me and the girls. That he still loved me and didn't like the way things ended. He said he just wanted to talk to me. My mom's BF told him that this time of night was not a time to talk and that he scared the hell out of us and that my life was good and he can't be doing this stuff. He said he was sorry and blah blah blah.

So I'm left with questions. Why did he wait a year? Why now? Did he and his GF split up (I know that the woman he had been texting moved in with him after we split up) and he was just seeing if he could hook up with me? Will he try to talk to me again? After the way we split up I doubted that he ever loved me at all. I talked myself into believing that he never did really care for me and that I was just convenient for him to be with. Like free therapy. That theory didn't make a lot of sense since he helped me out with so many things, but it was easier to swallow than believing he loved me but then fell out of love with me.

In the end though, all the different scenarios lead to the same place. So what? Who cares? He most likely still has a chemical problem, he still has a crazy ex-wife, and he has broken my trust. It doesn't matter how attracted I was to him, how much we laughed together, or how much I loved him. He blew it and it will never be the same. He destroyed what we had and for me there is no going back. He is my EX boyfriend for a reason. I'm done getting my heart broken. When and IF I ever let anyone back in my life it is not going to be some one who has already broken my heart.

I wish he had not come. I liked thinking he was a heartless loser who never cared for me at all - that he just tricked me and I fell for a scammer. But to think that he loved me or that he still does....and that maybe the reason he did what he did had more to do with his addictions than it did me - that is a hard pill to swallow. I want to fix that. I want him to get help. I want to love him and be loved like I was before. I felt so safe when he was here - like I finally had found a guy I could stay with. I wish he had not come. Now I have to ignore the urge to run to him, to try to help him, to let him know I still love him too even when my head tells me he's nothing but bad for me. I have to stuff it all down - again. He should have just left me alone to think he never cared at all.

I know I can't fix him. I won't try to contact him. I'll struggle to stuff all the raw hurt and anger back down - back down into the box I worked a year to close. I just hope to God that he doesn't come back again. I don't know how strong I can be if he stands before me saying those things....the things I hoped so hard for a year ago. Men suck.

Recap of our mini-vacation

Our mini vacation in Duluth, MN went really well…except for the horrid heat. Duluth sits on the shore of one of the Great Lakes – Lake Superior. It is usually nice and cool up there no matter what the heat in the lower part of the state. Not this time. The weather had managed to blow a nice hot wind up from the south and the temps were in the upper 80’s and low 90’s. Totally gross. I rented a camping cabin – they ran about $80 per night vs. the over $100 for a hotel. In retrospect I wish I had sprung the extra cash – the a/c would have been worth it. However, you can’t have a campfire at a hotel. J Okay, the bitching about the weather part is over – on to the good stuff.

We set out on Thursday morning after loading our vehicle. I learned from experience that the campground has a fire ring but no grills so I packed our old Weber grill, charcoal, and lighter fluid along with enough stuff to survive in a remote wilderness for a month or so. I did manage to fit all of our stuff in one cooler though – I was pretty proud of myself for that. The things I did ahead of time were to boil a bunch of eggs (mostly for protein for G~ since he is so fussy), boil potatoes and slice them along with some smoked brats to have for breakfast one day, and make the batter from my grandma’s recipe for waffles. AND I even remembered to pack them all in the cooler! We had hot dogs, brats, jelly, ketchup, mustard, relish, G~’s medicine (for another ear infection), the eggs, the potatoes and sliced brats, juice boxes, pop, milk, and chocolate syrup in the cooler. We got it all in the truck along with chairs for each of us, the electric waffle maker, all of our bedding, towels, shampoo, soap, swimsuits, towels and clothing too! Last time we went up there we had Hollywood’s dad and nephew with so we pulled a trailer. This time I just put the 3^rd row of seats down in the truck and got it all inside.

We arrived at our campground mid-afternoon. We decided to unload the truck and the kids each laid claim to a bed. We got the bedding all put on the beds and got things set up in a workable fashion. It was warm so we decided to go for a swim in the outdoor pool the campground has. I had stopped at Target on the way up and bought G~ a new life jacket/swim vest thing. The girls jumped right in of course, but he was a little more nervous about the situation. I got him in slowly and then he liked it. There were other kids there too and a little girl had on the same life vest thing in pink. He didn’t like getting too close to the other kids because they splashed a lot (like normal kids do) and he didn’t like it. I didn’t mind keeping him away from them because I don’t like getting splashed either when I have my contacts in.

We swam until G~ got pretty cold and the sun had started to go down. We headed back to the cabin and changed clothes. I started the grill and we made brats and hot dogs. We ate them with chips on the picnic table outside our cabin. The previous renters of the cabin had left some firewood in the fire ring and I had brought some too. I lit a fire as it started getting dark and we all sat around it roasting marshmallows and making s’mores. G~ lasted about 20 minutes and then he wanted to go inside. He hates bugs so I wasn’t surprised. I had our portable DVD player with and had bought G~ a couple new $5 DVD’s to bring with at Target. One is Sid the Science Kid and it’s an episode about camping. The other was the animated movie Planet 51. I got him ready for bed and turned it on for him. I had him watch them on my bed in the front of the cabin where the window was open so I could keep an eye and ear out for him while we sat around outside talking. We told stories and laughed a lot. Then we headed in and played a round of Yahtzee.

The next morning was Friday. My sister and mom had planned to come up that morning. They were staying just one night in a hotel not far from us. While the girls went up to the shower/bathrooms to get ready, I made waffles. There was a note on the map thing they handed out about not cooking in the cabins, but I didn’t know if that applied to electric waffle makers. I took my chances. I had a bit of trouble with them sticking in there since I had forgotten about bringing Pam with. But they worked okay – I used some oil drizzled on it instead. They were really good. G~ opted for cereal. My mom and sister met us early afternoon instead of morning. They drove to our campground and then we headed out in my SUV. We stopped at a place in Cloquet that was featured on the show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It was called Gordy’s Hi-hat. It’s sort of a 50’s style burger joint. It was really tasty and had great portions. I wasn't prepared for the crowd though. Plus I didn't know what I was doing so I felt a little overwhelmed trying to order. Glad I waited though - even with the crowd it didn't take long and the food was great! I had a burger and some of their home-made onion rings. SO YUMMY!

Afterward, we decided to go to Canal Park and walk down to the lighthouse and check the schedule for the boats coming in. The timing ended up not working out so well but we did see a large ship docked outside Canal Park waiting for the rest of his fleet to arrive. We saw the lift bridge go up a couple of times too. G~ was most interested in the seagulls. We did go through the exhibit in Canal Park. He recognized an anchor and told us all what it was. He watches a lot of SpongeBob so maybe that’s where he learned about it.

 We stopped for ice cream/snacks at the little store that looks like a box car there. A storm blew in just then so we headed for the truck. We decided to take a drive up the north shore of Lake Superior. Along the way we stopped at whatever looked interesting. G~ was very excited about this tunnel that he raced through. Hollywood was the official G~ chaser on this trip. I don’t know how great she thought that was, but I liked it.

MK got her picture taken with this roadside rooster (below). I told G~ to let me know if he spotted anything he wanted his picture taken with. So he repeatedly told me that he wanted his picture taken with trees. He said he really liked trees. J I found this Smokey the Bear instead. He was happy.





I HAVE NO CLUE WHY THIS WON'T ROTATE THE RIGHT WAY!!! #^&*!!!

WTH???? WHY IS THIS ONE SIDEWAYS TOO???? DUMB!!! LOL

We also stopped at a candy shop near Two Harbors. I spent $20 in there. Holy smokes. I did NOT get to eat $20 worth of candy. More like $2 and the kids devoured the rest. It smelled divine in there. I could have lived there. Seriously - the back part looked like a house. :D

We headed back to the cabin in the early evening. I dropped my mom and sister off at their car and they headed to the casino. The kids and I decided to head to a nearby town and have pizza at the local Pizza Hut. G~ likes that place and they have a good deal - $10 for a med. Pizza, breadsticks, and desert sticks. Then I bought a 2 liter of pop to go with it (G~ had lemonade). So all 4 of us ate for about $17. The a/c felt so good I didn’t want to leave!

When we got back to the cabin we played a game of Hedbanz which is hilarious. You put the card on your headband without looking at it and then you have to ask questions to the other players to try to figure out what you are. You could be anything from an animal to an object like a hamburger. G~ always looked at his before he put it on there. But it was funny because he would still ask questions like we did. He’d eventually forget what he was and be just as stumped as the rest of us. The other hilarious part was that he could not help but give out clues accidentally. Like he’d name the last time he ate that particular item or he’d say something about us having 4 of that kind of animal or some other obvious (to us) thing that would give it away. So cute how he didn’t quite get it. If the girls called him out on spilling the beans, he’d be like, “Well I didn’t say it was a cat! I said we had one named Natalie!” So funny.

After that G~ got ready for bed and we had another bonfire outside. We didn’t stay out there long because it got late. It was great fun though.

In the morning I made the breakfast potatoes and sliced brats in a frying pan on the grill. It was SO GOOD!!!! We had planned to go to The Depot which is a museum type of place in an old train depot with my mom and sister.

They came to our cabin about noon and we headed out. The Depot also had trains and boxcars on display on tracks in the bottom level.  They had a children’s museum part too, but I don’t think it was all open or something because there wasn’t much there. I would have liked to check out the displays more, but G~ was hard to contain. Museums are not his thing, even with the promise of the trains at the end. He liked the trains though and I got some cute pictures.



Hollywood and G in one of the trains

 

Such a cute picture - just tilt your head to the right to view. LOL

G LOVED this thing. He asked me to start it for him so he could drive it. Scary.

It was approximately 400 degrees in the train part of the museum since it is open to outside and partially enclosed. As we wiped the sweat from various places on our bodies, we decided it was a good time to go to lunch/supper. My mom had a bunch of gift cards from Red Lobster (my favorite!) and treated us to a meal there. It was fabulous! And cool – the a/c was great!

Afterward we headed back to our campground and my mom and sister departed for home. I took the kids swimming again. G~ took more coaxing to get in the pool than last time, but that water felt so refreshing! While we were swimming there was another girl in there who I assume was adopted. She was Asian and her mom was white. It was nice to run into other families like ours in a place like that. The pool started getting busy since it was a weekend night so we headed back to the cabin. We had noticed posters for an ice cream social at 8:00pm, so we got our 50 cents each, our bowls and spoons, and headed to the lodge to get ice cream. It was pretty crowded and we would have had to sit on the ground so we took ours back to our picnic table and ate there. Defeats the “social” part of it, but was just as yummy for the kids.

We did the same routine after the ice cream – G~ watching DVD’s and us sitting by the fire. The campground had lanterns you could buy to light and set off. They worked like hot air balloons – they were tall and colorful and you set the fire in a ring at the bottom. I assume it had some kind of fluid that burned for a set amount of time and then went out. They looked really pretty – but it scared me to just send a fire off into the sky like that?! We watched them set some off but I didn’t want a hand in it just in case. :o  We played Yahtzee after the fire and laughed until I peed my pants (not kidding) and our backs hurt from laughing too.

We had a little visitor before we left that was pretty brave - and I'm surprised he wasn't chubbier.

The next morning we had cereal for breakfast and packed everything back up. G~ asked what we were doing and I told him we were going home today. His response was, "That's what I wanted to do!!" He repeated that a couple of times for emphasis. LOL. He only said that one other time while we were away - he had asked the first day what we were doing and why. He said he wanted to go home when it was bed time, but I explained it to him again about vacations and then he didn't bring up home again until this time.

Fun with tape! :D

We stopped a couple of times on the way home. We ate lunch at the drive thru DQ in some small town on the way back. We got home on Sunday about 3:00pm and it felt really good to be back in our air conditioned house. The girls checked on all their pets (my brother and sister took care of them while we were gone) and all was well. We really had a lot of fun, family time together. I was glad to be able to sleep in my own bed though since the bed I had was really hard. I LOVE my bed.

Duluth vacation 2012

Duluth vacation 2012, a set on Flickr.

Our vacation photos. So fun!