My Grandmother

My grandma got out of the hospital just after Christmas and ended up back in there this week. Another medication issue...this time much worse than last. She's not out of the woods yet. I feel so awful for her. Her face and tongue were so swollen she couldn't shut her mouth...she had trouble breathing and everything. Some allergic reaction to some medication. She's on so many. I don't know how my mom and aunt M. find the strength to handle the stress of watching their mother go through that. It's hard for me and I'm not nearly as involved as they are. I feel guilty about that...not being able to share the...what's the word? Responsibility? I work so much and have the 3 kids to take care of. But I think part of me doesn't want to be there either...I want to cry all the time when I see her like that. It sounds so selfish. It's not practical for me to hang out there though...by the time I get home from work and get the kids some supper it's after 7. But still, I feel like I should be doing more.

I went to see her last night...she was pretty good when we were there...the swelling had gone down from when I was there the day before. But today was worse again. She has fluid building up. Please, pray for my sweet grandma Berit. I hate seeing her suffer so much and I just want her to get better. I love her so much it hurts.

I was touched by the crotcheted "prayer shawl" that was on her lap in the hospital. I'm not sure when she received it, but she knew that one of the pastors at church had brought it to her. I had never heard of a prayer shawl. As I sat there with her I looked at that hand made mini-blanket and imaged the hands of the person who made it. I wondered about the prayers that were said as it was made and designated. I felt some comfort with that laying over her as she lay there so frail...almost like it is proof of God's love draped over her. I am grateful to the person who made it and the church for bringing it over.

I hate crying. I have a headache and a lump in my throat when I think about it. MK is having a really hard time with it too. She wrote a very touching poem about her. She speaks on paper what my heart couldn't put into words so well. I'm not ready to lose her and I'm scared. More scared than I ever have been before. There was just something about the look in her eyes. Please pray for her. Thank you.