What's this thing made out of?

I'm going to try SparkPeople starting on Monday. It looks a lot like the eDiets plan that I used in 2003-2004 to lose 65 pounds (which I have gained all back plus more). It's free. I have nothing to lose except this tire I've been growing under my boobs. It's funny how my boobs stay the same size no matter how much weight I gain...but look smaller in comparison to my expanding waist line.

I had to buy new pants the other day. It was like shopping for clown pants. I'd look at the ones that I brought back to the dressing room (a size bigger than the last ginormous pants I bought) and hold them up - I swear you could fit two or three people in them. I thought they'd be hideously huge on me. Except they fit. OH. MY. GOSH. I wear clown-size pants now. The kind I used to snicker at as a teenager - "Like who would wear pants this big? If you were that big, wouldn't you go on a diet!? That is so gross!" Yep, that's me now. Wearin' clown pants. Except I'm short. So I'm like a short, fat, clown-pants wearing fat ass. Most of my weight is from just below by boobs (because God forbid I get a nice rack in the process of gaining 75 pounds) to about mid thigh. I guess that makes me apple-shaped. Or pig shaped. Whichever. I wear clown pants now. Time to get serious about losing weight. My. Gosh.

Losing weight is all good right? I hope I am not fat enough or have been fat for long enough to get the extra hangy skin thing if I do get this extra padding off. I worry about (everything) some things in respect to losing weight.

1) Will I look older or younger afterward? I may look older because right now I have almost no wrinkles and I'm damn near 40. Maybe I don't have any wrinkles because I'm all puffed up and they are pushed out right now.

2) Guys don't ever look at me any more....and if they do I instantly think "he's probably one of those guys that have a fat chick fetish." I don't like having men notice me...for some reason I feel obligated to go out with people who ask me out even if I don't really want to. Or at least I did in the million years ago when guys did notice me and ask me out. I (obviously) have the worst judgement when it comes to men so I'd prefer being a wall-flower and not getting attention. It's not like I'm so hot when I'm not fat....but I do get noticed because most men, I think, are not fussy.

3) How will I afford new clothes? I will be fine for about 40 pounds...then I'm screwed because the clothes that fit me over 40 pounds ago are out of style now...and are in the crawlspace marked for elimination.

Okay - I know what you're thinking....why worry about that crap when you probably will only stick to the latest diet for the usual 2 weeks anyway? Well that's easy....I'm a worrier by nature. I will worry about everything all the time....even stupid things that are far-fetched. But you never know. :)  Guess I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it.

There are a lot of pluses to losing (again, obviously). Here are a few that come to mind (I apparently like numbered lists today).

1) My ass won't hang off he toilet seat on the sides.

2) I won't have to look at a chair before I sit on it to make sure I won't have one of those "what's this thing made out of" moments like on Shallow Hal.  Or end up like this poor sap: http://youtu.be/2Ioo5_OLDCo OMGOSH. My sides hurt from laughing. That could be me. Did you do that on purpose?

3) I will be able to again hold my pop between my legs while driving (this would be handy since my cup holder is in the stupidest spot in the world in my crappy old car).

4) I can get clothes that actually look nice, not just get them because they fit.

5) I can stop wondering if my aches and pains are from being fat or some other reason.

6) I will have more self-confidence and maybe I would actually WANT to go out in public to socialize. I have not done that since my class reunion in October last year.

7) I will be able to take the kids horseback riding on our next South Dakota adventure and not worry about the horse's legs buckling and it going down in a heap of dust, breaking my leg in the process. I skipped the horseback riding on our last trip for that very reason.

There are lots more, but I'm done with my list now. Well - off to bed. The house is just too quiet since everyone else is sleeping. I feel left out. :D

Weekend recap

My aunt is here visiting from out of state. It has been a great time with her these past few days.

We took in an Elvis show Saturday evening. It was....entertaining. I'm pretty sure I was the youngest one there. There were actually 2 Elvises..or Elvi? One young one (the older one's son) and the older one. The young one sang the songs I like...early Elvis stuff. The older one wore the jumpsuits and sang the 70's Elvis stuff. They did really sound A LOT like him...but the looks...not so much. These are my aunts and mom with both of them.

Here's me with the King.

I had also planned to go to an apple orchard with a group of other adoptive families Saturday morning, but Lil Bro and Hollywood woke up feeling under the weather. Lil Bro's eye was crusted shut and he was coughing a lot. Hollywood had a sore throat and cold symptoms. They didn't want to get moving, so I called it off for our family. :(  I was hoping to buy some apples there for a recipe I was making the next day.

Sunday we had a lot of plans too. I started the day before 7:00 am to get food ready for a dinner at my mom's house with most of the family. We were hoping to go to a movie that afternoon as well. We also had to locate materials and build a shelter for the stray cat who showed up this past summer....and now had kittens on my front steps.

I made homemade scalloped potatoes. The recipe said it took 4-5 hours on high in the crock pot. They lied. It took more like 6-7 so that screwed up our potatoes for the dinner. Hate that. BUT the other dish I made was a huge hit. I bought some apples at the store Saturday to use - it says it's Apple Brown Betty...but it's different than what I've had before. IT WAS DELISH! This is what it looks like while cooking:

Hollywood made some Red Velvet cupcakes to bring along too.

After we all ate like pigs - a big ham dinner with potatoes, yams, corn, broccoli, buns, and who-knows-what-else, plus 5 different desserts we decided we were too full to go to the movies. I took a nap on my mom's love seat and my grandma fell asleep on her couch. I think my aunt slept in my mom's bed too. What a fun bunch we are!

The next thing on the list was making a shelter for the mama cat and her babies. They currently are residing in a cardboard box next to the door. Here's mama cat with her kittens in the background.

I found a shelter to make online...heated and insulated. I don't really have the money for it, but Hollywood agreed to work off half of it by taking over cleaning duties from my sister (my sister cleans to take $ off of rent for me). It is getting cold here and the last thing I want is for these kittens to freeze to death on my watch. Hollywood would be devastated. Bringing them in is not an option since Hollywood is allergic. We already have 4 cats in our basement (2 of ours from before we knew she was allergic and 2 of my sister's) so Hollywood can't go down there without getting sick already. Outside is not so bad for her. She takes an allergy pill and can then get by with being around the outside cat.

Here's the materials - the main thing is a 100+ quart cooler. They are not cheap:

And then you wreck it by making a 6" x 6" door for the cat in it. Hahaha. That gets covered up with a piece of carpet slit up the middle to keep the heat in.

You use a rope of lights for the heat source:

And here is the finished product:

We put the food inside just to lure the mama cat into it...the hope is that she'll like it in there and move her kittens in on her own. We'll see.

Tomorrow is going to be BUSY at work. We just got approval on a big project late Friday, so I'll be busy buying parts for it tomorrow. Yay! I like my job. I like being crazy busy too, so this should be fun.